My Climb- The beginning

Tomorrow will be a year and a half since I made a post on my blog. :/ I'm a slacker. I guess that's part of who I am... I start things [very gunge-ho ish] and then I stop things. Sometimes faster then I can blink.

But... I'm back. I'm more determined then ever.Only time will tell what lasts.

So because I'm pretty sure no one reads my blog.. yet {gotta keep the positive going}, I'm going to use this post to start from the beginning.

I'm Nickole.
I'm a mom.
I'm a wife.
I'm a home maker (not the best).
I'm a homeschooler (near future).

I'm all those things that moms do (nurse, driver, entertainer etc.).

But I have no idea who I am if you take away my husband and my kids.
It's wonderful to be a wife and mother. Really it is.
But I have this longing to be more then that.
Who will I be when my kids are grown and gone?
What will I do if my husband ever leaves me?

I slightly agree with the statement "Life isn't about discovering yourself, it's making yourself".
But I cannot {and refuse to} abandon the idea that everyone was born to be someone. Do something.
Maybe I was born to be a mother and wife and nothing more or maybe I was meant for something great and just haven't found it yet. Your never to old to dream, wonder, or change. Your never to old to do something for yourself, go to school, or discover who you are and what your capable of.

I started this Blog two years ago and I still haven't done most of what I said and I thought I would do. I still haven't made enough changes to be where I want to be. In my defense, I have made a significant amount of changes to become a happier person, more content, more satisfied. I suffer from Anxiety and panic disorder. Two years ago it was bad enough that I'd hardly leave the house without my husband. I have good days and bad days, but the amount of growth I've had in such a short time {without being medicated even though doctors and my therapist said I needed to be}has amazed me and made me extremely proud of myself. To this day I have never medicated myself, which is something I felt strongly about. I should add, that I don't think there is anything wrong with getting help when you need it and taking  medication when you need to. It was just a personal goal to not take medication. Anyway, I've been through some life changing moments {more on those later} and I've changed a lot.. But I still want to change some more. In little and big ways.
I want to know my self and let go of the rest of my insecurities. I want to have an adventurous life and explore my world. I want to be my own person outside of those around me. Have my own identity. I want to feel like I'm an individual. I want to be free... Find freedom in that fact that I know who I am.

I'm challenging myself to get up off the couch, to make changes, to take risks, to do things outside of  my comfort zone, to think out side of the box... set goals and reach them. This blog is a record of me. A record of  my fails and successes. My journey... regardless of where it leads me. It would be awesome if this could reach someone else... if others were reading. But mostly I am doing this for myself. For my children. I'm not planning for this to be epic.. I'm just a plan jane.. but what if it was? What.If.it.WAS.